Thirteen Ways to Leave Your Fantasy Lover

Thirteen Ways to Leave Your Fantasy Lover This is a public service announcement for all fantasy and paranormal romance heroines and heroes. We realize you believe you’ve found your Happily Ever After with the (insert supernatural species here) of your wildest dreams. However, we at the Paranormal Extended Romance Protection Society (PERPS, for short) know that not all human/other relationships perform as advertised. (If they did, we wouldn’t have sequels, now would we?) With that in mind, the governing bodies of PERPS prepared the following handy guide for ending unwonted relationships with a person or persons of Otherworld origins: 1. Vampire - Stake the heart. (The wooden kind is best. Steak on the heart only makes them more amorous.) 2. Werewolf - Shoot with silver. (A sterling dinner fork may be used as a projectile, but make sure the tines are pointed away from you. Do not use knives, except per 5. below. The blades are invariably cold steel.) 3. Selkie - Burn the pelt. (The order is crucial here. Pelting with Burns will only compound the problem. Robert will want to write a poem about it, and George is simply too nice.) 4. Angel - Tear off wings. (Practice on flies and work your way up.) 5. Fairy/Elf - Cold iron on the pillow. (Preferably the skillet you used to bash the fae’s head in.) 6. Devil - Douse with holy water. (Bathtubs with tile surrounds are ideal for containing the combustion but require large quantities of blessed water for optimum performance--which can be difficult to procure beforehand, given this subject’s well-deserved reputation for paranoia.) 7. Dragonslayer - Feed to dragon. (Serve raw.) 8. Enchanted Beast - Trash the rose garden. (If you choose to pursue a chemical solution, avoid commercial preparations that target only the weeds.) 9. Dragon - Feed him/her a fire extinguisher. (Also serve raw.) 10. Merman - Surround the bed with dehumidifiers. (Remove all moisturizers from vicinity beforehand.) 11. Frog Prince - Introduce him to the cook. (A nice butter sauce is always a good choice.) 12. Gold-spinning Dwarf - Announce his/her on The View. (Remember to obtain free samples for producers and hosts before filming.) 13. Change the Locks - The governing bodies of PERPS neglected this critical step. That’s why they’re bodies… Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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Fair Folk

Did our ancestors call these mythological creatures "fair" because they were beautiful or because our ancestors were begging them to be fair in their dealings? That's kind of a tricky question that popped up while I was doing some research for my next Dragon Knights novel. Perhaps I'm sheltered, but I always thought the term "Fair Folk" was simply another name for elves, fairies, and the like. I thought it had something to do with their reputed beauty, or maybe their complexion - which might be a holdover from Tolkein's elves in my mind.

I've come to find that the term might actually be a bit more sinister in nature than I believed. By naming them "fair," perhaps our ancestors were employing a bit of wishful thinking. They hoped calling them "fair" would make them deal fairly with the human population. There are so many legends about changling babies and fey folk playing tricks on humanity, this explanation of the name bears some thought.

Still, I think I'd rather live in my little Polyanna world and believe the word "fair" refers to their coloring and/or countenance. In my books, at least, that's the way I'm going to take it. You heard it here first - and it's something of a spoiler - the next Dragon Knights novel, FireDrake, will feature a race of magical warriors known as the Fair Folk. Mine will be easy on the eyes and lethal - a fascinating combination. As to how they deal with humanity? Whether it's "fair" or not, remains to be seen...